Dating and 1st year sobriety
I wasn’t sure what kind of guy sober me was in to; I was like a teenager again. I set a limit of two hours per date, but would sometimes cut things short if I needed to.
When I went on first dates, I would treat them like anthropological experiments. To feel comfortable, I would arrange to meet at my favorite local cafés or restaurants. And I always kept a special dessert—like Trader Joe’s vanilla soy ice cream or snickerdoodle cookies—waiting for me at home as a reward. At first, if I wasn’t interested in someone, I would lie about why I didn’t want to see him again, or just stop answering his calls.
I was clingy and wanted to spend every second with him. He said I was a “fire” and was “consuming” him, and asked me not to contact him.
So after quitting drinking and drugs, I also wanted to quit my disastrous dating pattern. I saw myself as a high-achieving, exceptional person who needed to “let loose” on the weekends.
I had two rules for my potential match: no assholes, and no big partiers.
I was hoping for someone who rarely or socially drank—a “normie,” in AA-speak.
There was never a conversation about why they stopped getting back to me.
All of them ended things with me after the second or third time they saw me shitfaced.
I didn’t respect his boundaries and would drunkenly sneak into his room even when he’d asked for a night of alone time.
I would get drunk and cry hysterically in front of him.
AA was chock-full of single guys but I didn’t want to date them.
I didn’t think I could handle someone with an alcoholic brain like mine. But otherwise, I was open to pretty much type of guy.