Not compatible dating

Couples need to feel they are building something together that has meaning. How much do you respond to each other's bids for attention?

How does a relationship support what you see as a mission in life? Does your partner turn toward you with equal enthusiasm?

We talked to a variety of experts who could be expected to provide insight into these key qualities.

From family researchers to matchmakers, each has watched countless couples draw together and pull apart.

You need to ask questions and constantly update your knowledge of one another.

Such assurance resides only in compatibility, that critical stew of traits that matter—if only we could figure out which traits they are.

The similarities or personality traits that attract people to each other may not hold up over time.

You might be attracted to someone because you both love to ski, but then one of you blows out a knee.

When people are divorcing, they'll say, "We have nothing in common." But they have kids, a house and 30 years of shared experience.

Values about money and children run very deep and are important.

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It is, for example, a guaranteed political flash point: Exactly whose love is entitled to receive civic or religious recognition? Lawyers may dine out on love gone awry, but public policy is often left to grapple with the mess of disaffected children and poverty it leaves in its wake.

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